The Toughest Question

How are you doing?

This question has become the hardest one for me to answer

In its routine, it should be a mindless reply

Truth is, these days, I really don’t know how to take that one

Especially when I was crying the entire drive in the car

Or that I had to take a sip of water before that call

To drown the tears that managed to take over

If anything

All the crying proves how waterproof my eyeliner is

It’s the only thing still on point

There’s a lump in my throat

From all the that I have choked back

So I can maintain a straight face

Because that’s what strong people do

And these days, these days

Being strong is really all I got

Although days like today

I wish I had something else

Like maybe silence

Like maybe a time traveling machine

Where I get to go back to February

Or the Summer of 2015

When heartbreak meant

Leaving fields, colors, sounds and smells

I’ve learned to love

Not this

When dreams shatter to pieces

Broken by an unwelcome stranger

Not this disease gnawing at her mind and body

Bound to take my soul

Basically anything that makes us whole

How are you doing?

You ask again

I know you mean well

Yet, I pretend to not hear it

I move on to the next sentence

Because the silence in my reply

Is how I am doing

It’s the only thing that makes sense.

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