Well, this post comes sort of weird since I’ve always been writing from time to time. So people will probably say, “huh?”
Unknown to many, there had been this long period of drought for the writer side of me. These were times when it felt like I was squeezing blood out of a turnip. My heart and my mind were not one. My words on paper, ink and keys were so forced that it felt dry and uninspired, at least in my point of view.
In between that time, I doubted myself and my ability. I got criticisms that my style was inconsistent, my approach bland and my words didn’t breathe a life of their own. And as writing was becoming more and more ingrained with my daily life and career, I felt myself falling into a pit of my own doubt and insufficiency.
And I was miserable in that pit. I was searching for a way out that I even asked myself if I should go and flee from writing altogether. That maybe I just was not cut out for this. That maybe there really was no writer in me. And I just fooled myself all along.
Then one day, it came back. My muse. One midnight in April, I felt it knock on the door within me. It cannot be silenced. And when it is around, I have to indulge it. Fingers tapping on my keyboard like tears falling from my eyes. Ideas flowing out of my mind like river rapids on a bend.
Its return saved me from the pit. I felt myself freed from the shackles of insecurity. I gained newfound confidence. And with its return, I welcomed a sense of happiness, from sharing my mind with the world and being open with my truest emotions through my pen. I finally realized that writing is part of me, since rediscovering it saved me.
This is not to say that my writing is perfect. That anyone can relate to it. Or that everyone will read it. I have my own weaknesses because I have my own voice. My audience is anyone who can hear that voice.
For me, with this return to joy, I care less whether I am validated through my writing and care more about whether my heart, mind and hands are one. That I bring to the world not simply random musings or incoherent thoughts but a glimpse into my soul. And this brings a smile to me.
So, I am back with the long lost muse working overtime. Together we will write again.